you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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