At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
