i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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