i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
