she woke up with a sticky ear
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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