so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
