she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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