Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
