You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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