She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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