My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
