Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
