Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I did not marry a roomba.
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