Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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