i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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