Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
