Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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