i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
