I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize