There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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