batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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