ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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