I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
