You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
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Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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