I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
