how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
