I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Come see our sink grown plant.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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