so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
