I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
