nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think people are normalizing furries
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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