M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
