i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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