so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
