So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
