your room smells of hookers.
And success
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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