I look better un-naked...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
