we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
