You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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