OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
