I hope mine doesn't look like that
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
