so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
