we're chasing vodka with high fives
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
