I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
