I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
