yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
