He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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