it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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