I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
