My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
