bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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