remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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