idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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