I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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