I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
