i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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