There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
