you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
