I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
