Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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