haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
