i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
