A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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