I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
